I plopped down this morning on the couch in our kitchen while the prayer room webstream was playing in the background. Staring out the window I think I had a rather expressionless face on as my roommate come over and started to worry about my well being. "Isaac whats wrong, (sarcastic, high whining voice) just tell me in 4 words." Immediately my mind snapped back to reality, I started searching my heart and emotions for 4 words that could explain my current conundrum.
First word that came into mind was "Ache" The ache of a lovesick heart that is unsatisfied with anything this world can offer. The ache in the heart that will not let you settle for anything less than giving all for hopes of touching the edges of the one you love. The pain in the heart that absolutely dumbfounds emotions and clarity of thought. This ache makes you do crazy things sometimes.
Ache immediately led me into my second word, "Longing." The burning desire in my heart to be with the one that my heart has fallen in love with. My heart will not be ok until the day that I get to see the man Jesus, my Messiah. My friend is missing, He's not here right now, and that's really hard. I miss Him, I want to spend time talk with Him in person. Even if I could just be in the same room as Him and sit near, this longing in my heart can't wait for the day I get to be with Him.
Overwhelmed. That's a whole ball game in and of itself. The tensions of life would pull at my heart and try to take me away from trusting my good Father. In the process of learning how to deal with these life situations I've been slowly learning how to turn these anxious thoughts into conversation with Him. With school, friendships, work, upcoming summer plans, my heart is flying a thousand directions on a regular basis, it is imperative that I turn the traffic into conversation and get to know His heart in this process.
But my favorite word, "Loved." In in the aching, longing heart that is overwhelmed at times, there is a confidence in this one word. I'm Loved. Oh the Love that I have found, it's greater than any external circumstance or life situation.
"for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him." 1 John 3:20-22
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, no height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39
"I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17:23
This heart will take joy and confidence in my Lord. He is ever living to make intercession for me, He is so committed to seeing me mature into a wholehearted lover that relies on His provision. He will never leave or forsake me, His has a good journey and plan ahead of me. He keeps it an exciting path full of uncertainty and trusting, but those are the most refining places!
Grace and Peace.
Isaac
