Saturday, November 13, 2010

One Thing Necessary

So it's been a hard week. Why? There was nothing out of the ordinary that would throw me for a loop. It actually seemed like my schedule this past week if anything should have been a refreshing week for me. So why, now Saturday is here, and there is a distinguished taste of frustration and tension in my heart? I don't understand. Throughout my day today I kept trying to figure it out, "Lord, I do like You don't I? You really like me don't You? So then what's the deal with...this." No ability to focus on homework, no motivation to cook real food, no desire to go be spontaneous. What gives. Finally I sat down to start working on homework, (because it is now imperative that we start making progress at this point since we have put it off for so long) my first assignment just so happens to be a scripture meditation. Can't really complain about having to pray about a portion of scripture for homework. If anything you would think that it would actually be easier. But, simply of the fact that it is "homework" puts up this invisible wall of dread. As I begin to write out the verse, and start talking to the Lord about it, there is still that definitive nagging in my heart. I stop. "What Lord?" I've finally reached the point of desperation. "Why can't I just focus on doing something for a few minutes?!!" Nothing. "Gah!" Then, I slowly start getting this familiar feeling overcoming my heart. Heartache. But with the heartache I seem to hear the Lord saying, "I miss You."

Then everything starts to make sense in my heart. I hadn't even been able to function in simple day to day obligations over the past few days because of this weird funk I'd been in. I had been a criminal of stealing away the time. I had actually more free time then I normally do over the past week, and somehow I managed to avoid Him. I kept tricking myself into thinking that I had been spending time with Him, when the reality was that I kept tacking my "quiet time" on with activities I was doing. "Lord, come work on my project with me." Or, "Lord I'm going to clean my room, do You want to join me?" Not that He didn't enjoy spending those times with me. But I had neglected "Our time." I replaced the time that me and Him spend fellowshipping together, with activities and inviting Him to come along. Imagine doing that to a close friend. A scheduled time that you and your best friend were going to spend together each week, or even day. Each week/day as that time came around, right before you were supposed to hangout you call your friend and say, "Hey, I want to still hangout with you, but do you mind if we run to walmart and pick up some groceries, I really need to get a few things, and we can still hangout together." Then the next week/day comes and you need to go to the bank. The next week/day comes and you have to clean your room. The next week/day comes and you have to fold laundry. Now your friend probably wouldn't mind after the first few times, but after it became a constant thing where you no longer just spent time alone talking, but rather always were 'doing' something together, I think your friend would get a little frustrated in time. The problem is how often do we do this to the Lord? I know that this past week it was the case for me. "Hey do you mind if we can just do this real quick and talk along the way?" He smiles, being so patient with me and responds, "No, I don't mind." I don't think He ever minds. But there comes a point that He knows, and I know, that my heart will no longer be able to operate in a flowing relationship with Him if I don't take time to purposefully do nothing but just sit, and talk to Him while accomplishing seemingly nothing. It will turn into a superficial relationship if we continue to spend all of our time together 'doing' instead of simply 'being' and getting to know the movements of each others hearts.

"Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42

One thing is necessary. Mary had chosen in the midst of the busyness of life to sit at the feet of Jesus, seemingly accomplishing nothing, as Martha was slaving away making provisions for the guests, but Jesus says that Mary had chosen the good part. The things that Martha was doing weren't 'bad', but they had caused her to become, anxious and troubled about many things. As Mary sat at the feet of Jesus, she became a friend of Jesus. Her heart became connected to His. She became one of Jesus' closest friends. What many had looked on and deemed as foolishness of Mary, Jesus actually was the most deeply moved by. Mary got it. There truly is only One thing necessary, to sit at the feet of Jesus, spending time with Him, and getting to know His heart. This will sustain our hearts through the midst of any challenge we may face. Even if it is the challenge of the mundane rigors of life, if we have put in the time waisting away at the feet of Jesus, our hearts will be unmoved.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What a Blur!

This past few weeks has flown by. My schedule has once again probably gotten the better of me. Focusing on getting different things done, juggling between photography, school, and relationships has been enough to make my head spin! Lucky for me, it stayed on straight. This past weekend headed home of course for my sisters wedding. Ended up missing my flight Thursday night, which we won't talk about, so took a 5am flight out of KC and got into Flint around noon on Friday. Worked on wedding stuff all day Friday, Saturday had the grand day of marriage. Got home late that night after cleaning everything up, and then had Sunday to hangout with family and try to have some down time. It was a blur of a trip home, but never much needed. I hadn't seen family since early July, so it was due time to see em' people.

Getting back to KC early Monday morning, I jumped right back into my busy schedule here. On top of my already fairly busy schedule, there was a team from Poland visiting, so I spent all my spare time visiting with them. Doing my best to engage in conversation with my less than poor Polish. They were gracious with me, and did their best to include me. But it really was a amazing time of building friendship with these Poles that share the same hunger for the Lord. My heart was stirred to give myself to the study of the language all the more. What a difficult language it is. But it is exciting as the Lord continues to open up opportunity with this nation, I may quite possibly be visiting in this next year a few of the Houses of Prayer that are in the beginning stages.

There seems to be to much traffic in my heart to be able to narrow out one consistent theme. Other than I have to trust that the Lord is the one in control of the times and seasons of my life. I have to release my trust into His hands. He's got good ideas, me, not so much.