Friday, December 25, 2009

Identity Issue

It’s official, the Lord has brought my 9 months of consecration unto Him in the NightWatch to a close. He has brought me full circle experimenting with how to live my life before Him. Even though I feel like this season of my life has come to a close, I feel like my journey in this new revelation of how to walk forward in my christian faith has only just begun. That like David, I have taken the time through the mundane of life to figure out it all comes down to Love! I have the empowerment and ability to walk through this life because of this simple yet SO profound truth, “I am Loved by God, and a Lover of God, therefore , I AM SUCCESSFUL! No longer, if I walk in this truth, will I be the judge of myself, because it’s not about what I think (I’m Sinful) He alone is the only one that can Judge me in Righteousness and Truth! I will walk in Freedom of no longer being bound by what people think, because I will be consumed by the thoughts of the Bridegroom God that is ravished by one glance of my eye, or that tiny ‘Yes’ of my heart! I will walk forward in the power of His Sanctifying Grace, because I will realize that it’s not by my Righteousness that I’m saved, but by Grace, and Grace alone. That my strivings in the Pursuit of Righteousness is found as filthy rags if I do not come to the realization that it’s by His Unfailing, Unending Love that I am saved, and continue to be saved from the Pits of Hell! No matter what my striving of Righteousness may succumb to, I will never increase upon the amount of Love and Enjoyment the Lord has over my life! The only thing that will change on this journey of Sanctification is my understanding of enjoyment found in Him! That as I continue to break off sin’s grip, I will become more of Christ’s likeness, therefore my friendship with Him develops all the more, and I am now able to feel the enjoyment over my life more because I have made one step closer to walking as He did. Making my communion with Him increase and became closer knit with Him, it DOES NOT INCREASE HIS LOVE TOWARDS ME IN ANY WAY! BECAUSE JOHN 17 SAYS THAT HE ALREADY LOVES ME TO THE FULLEST OF HIS GODLY CAPACITY! The love of the Father cannot be increased upon in any measure, ZILCH, ZERO, NONE! So why do we think we can increase in His enjoyment over us by our strivings of Righteousness!? The only thing that is going to increase is our ability to be able to feel His love and enjoyment over us. In this reality we have to be found as ones that place our sole identify, the only thing that drives us forward in being, “Loved by God, and being a Lover of God, therefore Successful!” Then we get a reality that we had VERY, VERY, little to do with our coming to love Him. Because when we were lost in our lifestyle of hating Him, and selling ourselves to the sinful desires of our wicked hearts, He was pursuing us, Loving us with the same infinite amount of love then, as He has for us now! When we were dead in the wickedness of our flesh He chose to demonstrate the greatest gift of Love, the giving of His life! Just for the chance, the smallest tiny chance that we would say ‘Yes’ to His love. His infinite Love then that lead Him to the cross is still very real, and very much the same today. He does not change yesterday, today, and forever more! Our walking in 100% obedience and in an identity of a lover of Christ actually brings His love to fullness, because now He can enjoy us! The fullness of His love and enjoyment over us could not be over our lives until we chose to come into alignment of the pursuit of Holiness, because it would go against the very nature of Love! He can love someone that is in sin, but He CANNOT enjoy them or take delight in them in that place. The definition laid forth in 1st Corinthians 13:6 “Love does not rejoice at wrongdoings (sin), but rejoices with the truth.” states right there that Love cannot rejoice (delight) in sin! It can’t, it goes against the law of love. Last time I checked “God is Love” 1st John 4:8, therefore God cannot delight himself in someone that is living in opposition of pursuing 100% obedience! This does not go against the “Dark Yet Lovely” principle from Song of Solomon 1:5. Because we are all sinful in nature, we are only transformed by the power of His love to choose Righteousness over wickedness out of a motive of choosing to love Him, and Him alone. Even when we stumble and give into that besetting sin that we have been fighting for so long, we are still enjoyed by God if we are choosing to make war against that issue, and not let it become something we agree with.

Picture it this way, You’re in a boxing match, and your opponent throw’s a quick little fake so you expecting the right hook, get smacked in the face when you weren’t expecting the left hook to come across and mess you up. You took a shot, true, but you didn’t lose. It’s your ability to stand and continue to make war against this opponent. You might even get knocked off your feet every once in a while, but it’s the resolve in your heart that you’re not going to get knocked out or give up in the fight! As long as you keep fighting, YOU’RE WINNING! So when that sin creeps its ugly head up, and even if you mess up and indulge yourself in it, as long as you repent, bring it into the light and tell the Lord that you still want to pursue Him in love, THEN YOU WIN! That small ‘Yes’ in your heart is what the Lord loves and enjoys. When you bring all that you know you are struggling with into the light, you are pursuing the Lord in 100% obedience. Once again, even if you stumble, if you repent and put it before the Lord, you are still pursuing 100% obedience, and the Lord takes full delight in you! Now the moment you stop making war against these issues, and just settle that it’s just to difficult to pursue the Lord in obedience, that’s when He can’t enjoy you anymore. Once again, coming back to the fact that “Love does not rejoice (delight) in wrongdoings (sin), but rejoices (delights) with the truth (righteousness).”

For some reason we get this idea in our head that when we mess up that the Lord is standing in heaven with His arms crossed looking at us like we’re stupid, telling us we need to get it together. For some people that’s what comes to mind everytime they think of God and that is a false thinking pattern. God is so kind, merciful, and loving, “He delights in mercy” Micah 7:18. That is amazing to me. That when we mess up, we repent and ask Him for forgiveness, that He is actually happy and excited to give it!!! This is such a good picture for me. That we are all like infants learning to walk in different areas of our lives. We are pursuing a holy lifestyle and for some we’re just that little toddler that is crawling around and building up our strength so that one day we can start standing. For others they are standing already and trying to take their first steps. And still for others they have learned to take steps and are even starting to run around. Now what does any earthly father do when their son or daughter falls while trying to walk. He runs to them picks them up, loves them, and encourages them! What dad when their 1 year old kid falls trying to walk runs over and yells at them while their on the ground telling them that they’re never going to get it right, you just keep failing, you’ll never be enough. NONE, it’s a 1 year old baby! Then why do we see God that way? He’s the best Father there could ever be!!!

Jesus portrays the ultimate bridegroom of love, in that He was pursuing me with perfect love when I was living not only in my grotesque sin, but in hatred towards Him. When I was in this place He passionately pursued me with perfect love! He loved me unconditionally! He was long-suffering, pursuing me through all my wickedness. It even led Him to the cross! With every stroke that He was beaten, He had me in mind thinking that I would be worth it all! That if I said yes and came to the knowledge of Him it would be worth it all! But it didn’t stop there! Even now He is in heaven making intercession on behalf of those that are still choosing wickedness. He gave His life, and He’s still pouring Himself out in the longing that He might be able to marry them! When the people that He so dearly loves give themselves away to lesser things of this world, He is still crying out to them, asking for their hand in marriage! Everytime His people choose to give themselves to sexual perversion, love of money, pride, love of possessions, alcohol, drugs, careers...etc. He still pursues them in perfect love! He is still declaring to them that He longs to make this people His bride! “And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord!” Hosea 2:19-20 This is all done in His extravagant love for us as His people, so that we might have fellowship with Him! If we let our identities be found as lovers, then we will be able to walk in humility and power, as Jesus did. Because He knew from where He had come, and to where He was going (John 13:3)! He was able to operate and do the will of the Father, because He was free from every other influencing factor. Because He knew what His status was before the Father was, nothing else could stand in His way. It’s an Identity Issue! If we only knew the success we had in the Fathers eyes as being loved by Him, and being lovers of Him, we would live our lives drastically differently in every area of life. We would finally be free to operate in the move of the Spirit because we would know our identity before the Father, and wouldn’t have a fear of moving in the supernatural!

That was a mouthful. But God is Good =)

Be Blessed,


Monday, December 14, 2009

Just been Thinking about Love

I look around me and find that at the end of the day there are very few things that truly satisfy me. This last year I’ve really found that the Lord has been shaving out of my life slowing all the excess “things” that I had for so many years tried to replace His love with. The the superior pleasures truly only come from above. I’ll find myself doing different things throughout the week; reading a good book, writing a nice letter, watch a movie with friends, go out to eat with friends, play sports...etc. But I’ve found that nothing really satisfies my heart like the way the Lord does when I take time to spend time in His presence letting Him love me. Lately I’ve been practicing while in the Prayer Room to just sit before Him and pray to myself, “I’m loved by God, and a lover of God, therefore I’m successful.” Let all the accusations come against me, deny them, and say it again. “I’m loved by God, and a lover of God, therefore I’m successful.” Once again, repeat process. And maybe do that for 15 minutes to a half hour, and just let the Lord come and speak the way He feels about me. The way He moves my heart is unlike anything I can find in this world. The spiritual high I get after walking away from sitting in His presence is better than any fake substitute this world could offer me. A scripture that I’ve fallen in love with since being here in KC is, “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His Word, for Your love is better than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2 Inviting the Lord to come and invade my little life with his all consuming, never ending love. Letting his love come and satisfy my heart more than any intoxication of this world.

This past week I was sitting in the Prayer Room before the Lord just sharing with him my commitment to Him, and how I had chose to serve Him, and that I would never choose another. And so clearly the Lord just spoke back to me out of Hosea 2:19-20. The Lord spoke to my heart and said, “You think that you’ve committed yourself to me, but actually I’ve been the one pursuing you the whole time. That while you were in your sin, while you were choosing the lesser pleasures of life, I was searching you out. While you sold yourself for the cheap things of this life, I was offering you a ring to come and marry me, and run away from all the cheap counterfeits. That when you had made yourself a prostitute for money and the wine of this world, I called you beautiful and pure.” He just painted this picture in my head of how yet I was His enemy, He loved me, and died for me! I could just picture myself as a bum on the side of the road strung out on crack, deep into a life of drugs, alcohol, and sex, and down the road drives this limousine. Out steps the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He actually gets out of His luxurious car, in His suit, and calls me to come get into His car with Him. Instead of taking His friendly offer, I actually swear at Him and start running down the street through crowds of people. Instead of getting back in His limo and driving off, He actually starts chasing me down the street, and calling after me and telling me how much He loves me and cares about me. How He wants to take me back to His house and get me out of my current situation. He wants to give to me a superior pleasure and joy, instead of the counterfeits I had been pursing. When I finally slowed to a stop, and allowed Him to come and pick me up off the ground and carry me back to His fancy limo, He started whispering to me that I was so worth the whole ordeal. That He enjoyed the process of the cross because I was now in His arms. Every whip and stripe on His back He enjoyed because He was here holding me now. Even though I was filthy as dirt, He desired to take me from that place and start taking me through a process of washing me clean.

I am the beloved Bride of Christ. I am a promised Son of God. My righteousness is as filthy rags if I do it in my own strength and strivings. It is by grace, and grace alone that I have been made beautiful. That He can look at me and say, “I want you,” is truly a miracle in and of itself. The God that all the 24 elders, and angels, and 4 living creatures have been able to do for all of eternity past has been cry out day and night never sleeping, “Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, who was and is, and is to come!” The miracle of God grace towards me is truly a mystery to my mind. But one thing that I do know, and rejoice in, is that He loves me with the same amount of love that He loves His Son. That the infinite amount of love that He can pour out, He pours it out on me. This notion has been thrilling my heart for the past months, and I think I’ll go right on allowing in to guide my heart into a new dimension of love for myself, and others.

That’s all I got.

Be Blessed,


Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Life of.......Me.

So their’s been a bit of craziness here in KC over the last couple weeks. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a chance to give an update to what I’ve been up to. So here’s life as of lately.

Life as a “Fire in the Night” intern here at the International House of Prayer-Kansas City (IHOP-KC) has been, well, to say the least interesting lately. I guess you get what you ask for. For the last 10 years IHOP-KC has continued in 24 hour prayer day and night. One of their main prayer focuses has been revival in the city. It is truly an amazing feat in itself to run a 24 hour prayer room, but to actually have it going for the past 10 years and actually growing at an extraordinary rate. When the ‘Prayer Room’ first opened 24 hours there was on average from what I hear about 2-4 people in there through the night. There is now consistently about 200 people praying through the night for revival and other topics. The Lord has given a portion of His Spirit here the past month. November 11th the Holy Spirit broke in powerfully in a classroom setting in IHOPU, which lead to 15 hours straight of intense deliverance's and healing’s of emotional and physical needs. For about 10 days straight these meetings continued nightly from 6 p.m. to midnight. Which as an intern, I was required to be at all of them except for on my sabbath, which was AWESOME! The hard thing about an outpouring of this sort, is that it leaves you extremely exhausted each day. Nightwatch is tough as well because we would go to the meetings, get done, eat lunch, and then go to the prayer room from midnight to 6 a.m. So it just made for a very tiring couple weeks. There is still a very strong presence of the Spirit moving and the IHOP leadership team has decided to go ahead and keep the meetings going 4 nights a week. Wednesday through Saturday night from 6 p.m. till midnight they are still having what they call “Awakening Service.” Then on Sunday night they have a regular church service with extended ministry time. The services so far have seemed to kind of reflect on what the Spirit has done in the past week and give direction for a stewarding of the Lord’s presence. So my schedule as an intern has gotten a little more crazy. As busy as it was before, it’s busier yet! But it is so worth it. There has been so much taking place in my heart, and God’s been speaking some things about this upcoming year that are exciting.

In the midst of all the business it was a gift of the Lord that I was able to go home for a couple days and spend Thanksgiving with the family =) Which was as expected, a really fun time! Me and my roommate Caleb drove Wednesday 11 a.m. through the day and got into Michigan Wednesday night 2:30 a.m. The only person in my family that knew I was coming was the father, to confirm it was all good with the roommate coming and all. So the surprise was a success and nice to bring a little joy into my families hearts, and mine too =) Although it was a quick trip there was much accomplished, including our yearly tradition of going Christmas tree hunting! Which this year had a little bit of a spin on it, as it was in the dark! We had to leave Friday night to be back for the Awakening service on Saturday evening. And we had to sleep somewhere during that mix, so it made for a long day. We got back into KC at about 11 a.m. Saturday morning, got a few hours of sleep before heading back into the craziness!!!

I’m excited to be finishing up this season of the internship life, and moving back into a normal schedule (which will include being on days again!). I’ll be moving back into the house which I was in over the summer with Kris Edler, Jay Caple, Joshua Mills, and I think a guy from the OneThing internship named Micah. So it will be a house-full, but I will have my own room once again, for the 2nd time in my life!!!

In January I will start school at the Forerunner Music Academy (FMA) as a 2nd semester Freshmen. FMA is within the International House of Prayer University (IHOPU) college programs. I’ll be aiming to work through the Worship Leading track, which is a 4 year program. So it’ll be moving out of one season and an ushering into a new one as 2009 ends. I can’t believe how fast it’s come and gone!

I’ll be going home for a quick week after the internship to spend Christmas with me family, and my Grandma Colleen and Grandpa Jon. I’m excited to spend time with family. Then after spend the week with them they are coming down to Kansas City for the OneThing 2009 conference! So they’ll be here the 27th and leave the morning of the 31st up to Minnesota where they’ll be visiting my Father’s family. I’m planning on jumping on board with them up there, I’m just not quite sure how I’ll be getting back to KC yet. There might be a bus involved, which I’m not so excited about. Nevertheless, the things we do for family time.

After all that Holiday’s funness it’s back to the grindstone and starting school for me. Can’t wait =)

Be Blessed!