It’s been seeming like lately that just when I get to a point when I feel like I might have my emotional make up under control, and think I might have an idea with where I’m headed in this life, I get some new revelation or break through and go broken and tenderly back to the Father and ask Him what He is thinking. It’s a continual process of learning that I’m wrong 100% of the time, and He truly knows what is best for me, and I, am just a little simple minded man that He chose to create and work through. Why God chooses to use me, I never will know. But I guess that is a testimony of Grace in and of itself. The tender, loving, compassionate God that we serve, has blessed us so abundantly to associate with us, but not only talk to us, but actually call us sons and daughters. That after seeing all the yuck, filth, and slime, He says, “Yeah, I desire you, and I know the way that leads to righteousness and holiness!” I’m currently in the school of humility, you might ask, “How’s that going for you?” I would say, “Um, it’s humbling.” Even in the context of letting the Lord use me and being a tool, I still so often stop, stare, and wonder, “Lord, why me?” I’m so stinkn’ messed up!
I think for a long time I have known it in my heart, but just in the last week ish, the Lord has been revealing a path for me to follow. A new concept of relationships, life experiences, and decisions that I will make in the upcoming years. I feel so strongly that the Lord has called me to the wilderness place. To walk down a path that is travelled by few. My first impressions of this place was denial, I truly didn’t desire it at all! But having a couple different occasions of letting the Lord describe it to me, I have come to a decision that I will take the path, but there is much uncertainty as to what this path will hold for me. I think more than anything I’m tired of a journey filled with biographies, books, articles, conversations, and lectures on this God I supposedly love. I’m tired of getting to know about Him, I want to actually meet with the God/Man that I hear all these amazing things about. It’s time we established a long lasting relationship. I want to get to know Him by asking Him questions about His heart. I want to be walking with Him on this path through the woods when suddenly a tree almost falls on me and ask what His opinion will be in that situation to escape.
Ok, there’s a whole bunch of random people in the prayer room tonight and it’s been distracting me all night. I’m gonna go ask the creator of the universe what’s on His heart. =)
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