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Saturday, May 23, 2009

I WIll Waste My Life


Not to say that I didn't know what I was getting myself into when coming here to KC, I guess I didn't realize how much of my life would be consumed by this lifestyle. Obviously the internship life is a little more intense than if I were just attending the music school, but still! I was laying on my bed tonight relaxing for a half hour before coming to the prayer room, and I was listening to Misty Edwards song "I WIll Waste My Life." As I let the words of that song seep into my spirit I started to understand more and more the lifestyle in Christ we have been called to.

I will waste my life,
I'll be tested and tried.
With no regrets inside of me,
Just to find I'm at your feet,
Let me find I'm at your feet.

I leave my father's house, and
I leave my Mother.
I leave all I have known, and
I'll have no other.

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
Just let me cling to you, Jesus.

I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I
Press on, yes I press on.
I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I press on, yes I press on.

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
just let me cling to you, Jesus,
I want to cling to you...


Really this a pretty intense song to sing if you think about it.  But it really has been the song I've been singing the last 4 months of my life.  There is something about moving on to the calling of Yahweh in your life where nothing else matters.  You get to the point of surrendering all and saying, "Lord, I just want to be found faithful at the end of the age."  In this internship I have surrendered all my desires, laid down all the things that "Isaac wants to do" and said, "Lord, what do you have me in this season for?  What is your heart in this matter?"

I have been averaging about 6ish hours of sleep a night since I've been here, and that could be stretching it.  Going full blast class, prayer room hours, EGS services on the weekend, and random events scheduled in, six days a week will just wear a person out.  But it has been so worth it.  The last couple days I have been about ready to fall out tired.  Prayer room hours seem long, days seem longer, and everything just has been dragging.  But even through all of my complaining about how tired I am, and how I wish we didn't have to do this event so that I could sit down and think to myself for a minute, God has continued to reveal Himself in new ways.  It seems like in the moments that I am most tired, and the most worn out, when I choose to still open up the Word and study the emotions of God, is when He chooses to reveal the most about Himself.

So I have officially decided that living a lifestyle of being worn out, exhausted, going to bed at 7 a.m and waking up around 1 p.m everyday, all for the sake of getting to know Jesus better, isn't such a bad thing after all.  If it takes me to a place where I can get to know Jesus more intimately then it's worth it.

Having the option to waste my life on any one thing, I think that I have made the right decision in wasting it on Christ and getting a eternal reward over the reward of 8 hours of sleep a night.  It is completely worth it to me to walk around half asleep during the mid-afternoon hours of the day, so that I can be engaging in spiritual warfare through the nights to bring restoration to my own life, and shift things in the spiritual realms for others.  I am willing to answer the calling of Ezekiel 22:30 and stand in the gap for those that cannot fend for themselves.

So I say goodbye to comfortable living, I forsake all other lovers and turn to my beloved one Jesus.  I choose the pleasures of God over all the temporary pleasures of this world.  I choose, to waste my life on Christ!

Strength & Honor,
Grace & Peace.

Isaac

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