New Season

Today I feel very strongly that I was ushered into a new season of my life. I feel like I found myself finally in the story of the Song of Solomon as I have been studying it so closely the last month. At some points I thought I would find myself in chapter 4:9 where Jesus is speaking words of life over me, and He truly was, but I don't think that is really where I am.

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love." Song of Solomon 2:3-5

This is the stage that I feel like I have just left. Since being here in KC my answer has been, "Yes Lord, I want to come with you, I want to get to know you, I want to experience your love better than wine, (vs. 1:2) I want to encounter You!" The good news is that I really have grown so much in my relationship with my beloved. But a reality that really did hit me today is how immature in my love toward Him I am. I guess I always knew that, but today it hit me more than ever before. In verses 8-13 of chapter 2 the woman is seeing who this man Jesus really is. That He is no longer this calm relaxing guy that sits under the shade of the apple tree for all eternity. Sitting under the tree experiencing the love of Christ is good, but that is only a season. This speaks of the finished work of the cross that Jesus did for us. We can rest in His presence because of what He did for us, we can enjoy the pleasures of the Father because of His sacrifice. But we can't stay there. Jesus is now in seen leaping across the mountains, the trials in our life, and skipping on the hills. This is a pretty scary thought to the woman, and had been a pretty scary idea in my own head. Jesus was calling me and beckoning me to follow Him through and across the mountains. To arise and face the sin issues in my past. Which to a point I have done, but to totally conquer them there has been a small amount of me that has said, "Uhh, Lord, I love you, but I just can't jump over this one." In essence I was saying 2:16. "Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills." Out of my immature love, without even realizing it, I was telling Jesus, I want to be with you where you are, but I just can't get there yet. Which is okay. I mean, it's something everyone has to face at one point or another. However there is a big difference between in immaturity saying turn, and in rebellion saying no. My saying no in immaturity is my lack of intimacy with Jesus therefore I still struggle with sin, but am striving to overcome it. A rebellious spirit is saying go ahead and go on without me, I'm just going to stay here because I am tired of trying to get past this issue in my life, and I think I'll just let this area in my life be, because it causes me to much pain to try and overcome it.

Well I finally realize that the last week I have been really experiencing the discipline of the Lord of chapter 3, verses 1-5. In my immaturity I told Jesus to go on without me, so he withdrew His presence from me to get my attention, to see how I would respond to the trial. My response the last week has been, "Why can't I feel your presence? Lord I don't know what You are doing right now, but I still want to get to know you even in this dry season, so I'm going to seek You out." Funny how I didn't just turn to Song of Songs 3:1-5 and realize what was going on. Of course it's always in hindsight that we see what's going on. Regardless, it was such an incredible feeling today to truly feel the presence of the Lord restored as I passed this trial. I began to see things in my heart that I didn't even know where there. A confidence to now want to follow after Jesus to go where He goes, to follow wherever He leads. To finish it off, tonight we were in our Sermon on the Mount class talking about getting to a place of 100% pursuit. How Jesus says, "Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your father in heaven is perfect." Calling us to that place of never getting satisfied with the place we find ourselves. If we are not in 100% pursuit then we are not found in the favor of His eyes. He still loves us, but he can't enjoy us and delight in us if we haven't surrendered every area of our life and given ourself to the pursuance of holiness. So it was so encouraging to know that I was being enjoyed by the Father as I had this past couple days really just devoted myself to laying everything area of my life down before Lord. I walked out of class feeling so enjoyed by the Father. How my heart lifted in joy, happiness, and a peace that was so comforting.

I believe that Jesus has started revealing himself to me now as He is in verses 6-11 in chapter 3. The "Safe Savior." He holds the keys to death and hell, and we are scared of what? We should fear the Lord alone, and forsake all other things for the pursuit of His holy name! My heart has been encouraged, and I am excited to be living before the eyes of my maker, as I have found myself in the scriptures.

Strength & Honor,
Grace & Peace.

Isaac